coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
