Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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