Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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