Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
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You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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