Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
