We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
