pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
