No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
