i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So much rum. So many feels.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
