hotel room ftw
that's an acceptable place to lick
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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