his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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