I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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