my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
