I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize