marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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