Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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