that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
