this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
