I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
