My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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