I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
a search helicopter?!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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