Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
