why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
