you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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