It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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