If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
