I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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