READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
