i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
