Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
