i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
