I faked an abortion last night.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
