I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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