____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
