i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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