she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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