Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
