I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
did i just pee glitter
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize