i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
