The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
