I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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