I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize