i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
