Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
