There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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