I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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