Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
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He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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