but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You can't motorboat a personality
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
