I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
