He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
