Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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