Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
