i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
