Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
