i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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