GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
