I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize