In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
