i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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