are you still at the devil's house?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
