I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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