Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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