I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
