my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize