i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
