i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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