i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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