Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
